Hospital thoughts

When the dialysis section is right beside the ICU section, it should feel natural to see a dead body being wheeled out in a stretcher. But nothing beats the sound of silence that suddenly grabs hold of the bustling corridor when it happens. You involuntarily move out of the way and stand still, frozen by the sight, the feeling that someone has lost a loved one again and that you should respect the dead stranger.

Life threw a Covidcation at me and I caught with both hands

Well, it isn't everyday that you get a break/vacation for suffering from an infection. Last month, right before I was supposed to get my 2nd COVID vaccine shot, I caught the actual disease. The irony that getting the 2nd shot might have resulted in the same, but milder, symptoms that I suffered for the first few days is something that comforts me. Just saying, when your relatives have just been back from an hospitalisation, it would be recommended delay visits by 2-3 weeks. But then, if it's really close ones, then fuck logic and let's ignore safety precautions. :D

So, my wife and kid had gone over to her place to spend some time with her parents. As usual, I spend the weekends with them and working from our home for the rest of the time. Nothing unusual this time expect for the fact that my MIL wasn't feeling that good during the weekend. She took a self-quarantine as a safety measure, but it wasn't enough. By the time the results came for all of them, it was clear that they had been bit by the Covid bug. As a precaution, I started a self-quarantine at my place after coming back. By Tuesday, it became obvious that I had been infected and the test results that came in on Friday cemented the fact. :D

And that is how, it began. My own 2 week Covidcation. The first few days were bad, having fever, temperature, cold, nose blocks, all the shit that Covid brings with it. Thankfully, my wife had already contacted some doctors regarding the medication and I started taking them. Let me tell you, it isn't fun having to swallow tablets three times a day when you absolutely hate them. I have an upset stomach pretty much every time I start an antibiotics course. That coupled with the discomfort of being sick and weary just makes it harder to bear. If only we could survive Covid like we do the common cold, with minimal medicine and letting the body take its natural path of cleaning itself.

Now that we have set the baseline for the first week, let's come back to why I still call it a Covidcation, or Covid vacation. So all the time I wasn't feeling good, I had my trusty MCOC, a.k.a. Marvel Contest of Champions, to fall back to for comfort. Suddenly, I had like 10 extra hours a day to do whatever I could, within the humanely possible limits of a Covid patient, and no one to stop me from it. And thus it began, my Covidcation, with a bang, err.. cough. 10+ hours of gaming/watching Vikings/Reddit and Kindle. The joy of kicking back your legs and enjoying everything with your mobile. Alongside, no looking at Gmail/Facebook/Instagram/Slack/LinkedIn. Covid laced heavenly pleasure. On a side note, the boring reality of having to measure your oxygen levels every 4-6 hours and taking medicine so that you don't slip into the danger zone, wasn't that happening though. ;)

So overall, 2 weeks well spent, no running the rat race to finish tasks or view those blasted LinkedIn course suggestions giving FOMO attacks. I did realise that I missed work at bit, those zoom meetings, coding sessions, memes and thrill to fix the latest issue on production and I can't wait to be back at doing what I do best, churning out Python code and having fun with my amazing team from all over the world. I did, however, spend sometime on one of my personal projects over the last few days, but not before I was done with my gaming sessions. Just to get back into the groove before I jump into work.

2 weeks of rest are coming to an end soon. I'll be back to WFH and reserving weekends for my "focussed" gaming sessions. :D

Until next time,

This is Jo signing off.

Huwa main malang

Loose yourself to find the you,

Break free to know what binds you,

Let the music flow within you,

The words will let you know...

The beats come and go,

The heart beats too,

But the mind doesn't want to think,

It wants to be still for a moment...

Let me be free from the chains,

So that I may find my binds.

Let me see the darkness outside,

So that I may find the light inside...

When the old dies, the new rises,

To be free from everything.

The soul waits for you to touch me,

So that I can melt inside you...

Let me become the phoenix,

Let me rise from my ashes.

Let me be lost,

Let me be found forever...

P.S: Watched Malang, wanted to write something, was listening to Malang's songs and being irritated by the fucking ads which came in between.

Live free,

*Jo

Bored as hell, so what to do???

And so I sit in the lobby of "MNC" company waiting for my round of interview. It seems that I have ticked off a few wrong ones in the initial stages itself. Wearing jeans to the interview. Not bringing my resume since the photostat shop was not yet open. Some of the things have me ticked off too. The formal wear. The long list of candidates for the position. The totally boring visitors lobby.
Waiting, waiting and waiting. As for the first impression, I wanted to run away from the entrance itself, given the fucking dress code. But let's see if the interview is good enough. Wouldn't like to join especially if there is Java involved. I absolutely, without an inch of remorse, detest the language. It's not for people like me, the lazy ones who would go straight to work rather than create loads and loads of code just because the language says so. I'm so anti-pattern at times that I can't believe I have been writing okey-dokey code in Python for the last 5+ years.
Hopefully, this shouldn't take much time as I have hardly taken a look or prepared to a good extent, given that there are other "priorities" as of now. *wink*. Speaking of which, I was not going to announce before March start. There was supposedly to be a post regarding that but then, who the fuck cares about timing or planning. Yours truly is getting hitched soon. :D
It might come off as sudden, given how I wasn't ready to get hitched all these years and all of a sudden, boom. 2017 has brought lovely surprises with it. Got placed in an awesome product company, getting ready for next phase, looking forward to more surprises. *wink wink* Speaking of which, I am still stuck in this fucking lobby, waiting for my call which I suppose wouldn't come even after I finish this post.
Bored, sleepy and getting hungry as times passes.

This is Jo,
Signing off for now.

The colds of December

This December in Mumbai, this not so cold days here. I'm lost without reason. I look forward to the days that wouldn't be so deary. To the days, where my inner child is happy. To the days, where I code again out of passion. To the days, where I look forward to going to office. To the days, where I ride again. To the days, when weekends are to enjoy and not being stuck in office. To the days, where my heart fills with joy of writing like this.

A hope that I hold inside me that there will be a silver lining at the end of these cloudy days.

Revisiting an old space

Ajeeb hai ye daastan,

Na jaane kahan le jaaye ye tumhe,

Kaunsa shehar mil jaaye na jaane,

Anjaane ban jaate hai dost,

Aur dost anjaane,

Lamhe kuch guzarish karte hai,

Ki iss pal ko lafzon mein taraash loon,

Yaad aaye ye pal phir kabhi to,

Honto par ek muskurahat bhi aaye.

It is said, nothing happens by chance. Otherwise, why would this post happen and that too after such a long time. Me sitting in office, watching Suits last episode of Season 5 and finishing off some tasks. No connection to Blogger as of such, nothing to make me think of writing off a post. Yet, there comes a call to one of my sales colleague. A friend wants to integrate a payment gateway to her Blogger account. Had to take a look at my blog to let her know if it would be possible. Seemed like it might be, but then it would have been just a Paypal link, rather than a full blown cart which could let her sell her wares.

And then, it happens. My colleague, Rick, from the front-end section had to pitch in his views. Thankfully, it was a good thing because we were able to give a better informed suggestion this time. Seems like you might have to get a premium version of Blogger to integrate a cart like stuff. However, I didn't research much due to limited time. And the last episode is still waiting to be finished along with my task.

So until next time, this is Jo signing off.

Adios

Cupid Yahoo

When reality becomes stranger than fiction and life seems like a movie, that's when you know that something grand has been set in motion.

Dev never knew that the stranger he was going to befriend via Yahoo chat would turn his life upside down. As per routine, he logged in and started searching for ids to chat with. One of the IDs in the chat room caught his attention, a "malini314". Out of curiosity, he pinged with a simple "Hi". One because it seemed like SouthIndian ID and secondly, the PI digits. The person on the other side responded with a "Hi", unaware as to how much their lives would be affected due to this simple exchange of "Hi"s. After a brief exchange about their "alternate" details, the correspondence grew slowly through the coming days. From strangers, they had gone to friends who couldn't stay away from the chats even for a day. A simple Hi from the other end was enough to lift spirits at the end of a deary day. Soon enough, "malini314" and "anand_d" removed their on-line masks and came true about their real selves.

Starting with exchange of photos, they broke through the shells of their alternate self to connect on a truly personal level. Dev couldn't help wonder what had happened between them to lead to such trust in the online world. Maybe the world was less cynical those days. On that day, "malini314" became Lekshmi and "malu" became "lechu". A simple step to discovering themselves through each other. While Dev, "once again", dove head first into love, Lekshmi climbed out of her depression. Their pasts were being laid to rest as they wrote a new future for themselves with the digital ink of 21st century. Chats progressed into video calls, which progressed into phone calls and texts. Soon enough, there wasn't a day when these two didn't talk or see each other. You might be wondering why they didn't meet in person till now. A small detail that Dev forgot to mention, Lekshmi was in Banglore where she was posted directly via college placements while he was still in Kozhikode. As months passed, Lekshmi managed to get a transfer back to Kerala and Dev's happiness knew no bounds as he knew this would be the start of exciting times.

On the day, Lekshmi landed in Kerala, she wasn't expecting much since Dev had already declined to come see her at station. But, as is the fate of lovers, Dev couldn't stay put without seeing her in person at least once. So for a brief glimpse of the dusky beauty whose eyes had captured his heart, Dev traveled all the way to her station, reaching there 15 min before Lekshmi's train arrived. As she stepped on to the platform looking for her mom and brother, she wasn't expecting Dev to be around. But one look at that grinning monkey face and her eyes went wide with surprise and joy. All they could do was steal glances at each other while she walked towards the exit with her family and he towards the same train to return home. They wanted to talk, to hold hands, to let each other know how exciting that moment felt, to finally see each other in person. But alas, that was meant for another day. Back at home, Dev messaged her asking about how she felt seeing him in person. She scolded him saying she would have cleaned up a bit if he had told her that he was going to be there. Laughing at her response, Dev replied that it was her that he wanted to see and that it didn't matter how she looked. All he knew was that she looked angelic in her black dress with her wild tresses. After another hour or so of messaging back and forth, they said their good nights and went off to sleep.

The following days, Lekshmi reported to her new office in Kochi while still working on her old project from Banglore. She felt uprooted and, without Dev, she might have slipped back into the depression that still haunted her. Soon enough, she adjusted with the new place and routines while still holding on to Dev. Their long-distance relationship had come a bit more closer but there was still a huge gap. As days progressed, they moved onto serious matters pertaining to their relationship. Both wanted to take it to the next level and the eagerness to be closer. But then, Fate had other plans for the lovebirds as usual. Not every story has a "Happily ever after" ending as Bollywood often tells us.

Thanks for reading through this one. The next half shall follow as soon as I finish it up in my head.

Phir ek baar

Yunhi chalti jaa rahi hai zindagi,
Na pata manzil ka aur na nishaan raste ki,
Dil mein kuch lamhe liye chal rahe hain,
Kisi ki bas ab yaadein liye chal rahe hain,

Muskaan mein phir se ek dard si ghul gayi,
Khushi par kisi ki phir se nazar lag gayi,
Ashk na phir se aaye ye ibadat reh gayi,
Aur unke saath rahe kushi ye dua bhi aa gayi

Chalo, phir se jeene ki koi wajaah dhoond le,
Phir kisi daud ki raftar mein doob le,
Junoon si koi khwaahish dil mein bhar le,
Aur jeeye ja, mere yaar, tu bas jeeye jaa...

Yaara

Kehte hai ki dil tootne se awaaz nahi karti. Lekin saath reh kar bhi kaun sa ukhaad lena hai. Aashique 2 dekh li aaj, pata nahi kya huwa. Kahin par kuch lag gaya, shayad kuch na ho, lekin kya pata kya huwa. Dard sa uth raha hai, chod kar jaana hai yeh pata chal gaya hai. Shayad kisi aur ke bhalaayi ke liye. Is Jaahaan se nahi, bas uske zindagi se. Puraane rishton ke saath jeena asaan nahi, kuch dost hai kuch yaar hai, lekin dil ke paas aaj tak na koi aa saka hai. Ek deewar kahin hai, jisne har kisiko rok rakha hai. Shayad kabhi na toote jo, shayad kisi aur ko bhi baahar rakhne ke liye hai. Jo bhi hai, apni to lagi huwi hai. Naa khul ke jee sake, na khul na saas le sake.
Andar ki iss ghutan se bhaag raha hoon. Kaam ke siwa kuch soojta nahi, shayad ek wahi rasta jisme dil na toote. Na koi naya rishta, na koi naya bandhan. Bas ek me aur meri tanhaayi. Saale, itna bhi kab se kamina ban gaya hoon, ki sirf apni apni soch raha hoon. Kya pata, shayad isse khatam karne ke baad kuch raahat mile. Shayad aankhonko koi sukoon mile. Abhi ke liye bas itna hi. Agli baar kuch aur alfaz iss nautanki dil se.
This is Jo signing off for now,
Adios

A post of a post

Countless drafts on my mobile, a few hundred scribbles on the laptop and tens of movies. Finally, I think, a post that would see light,i.e. night light. Weekends have always been happening for the last few months. A trip for a marriage, a late night movie with myself, walking the streets of Trivandrum at 1:30 in the night. A few furious hours of "creative" coding, finishing off the 4th season of Dexter, trying and trying again to turn over a new leaf, and the list goes on and on and on... Oh ya, forgot a wee bit thing, donated blood after a almost a year. FYI, I'm A- and available for donation, as for now out of action till 7/09/13.

Coming back to the catalyst for the post, I watched ABCD today. No, it is not the Hindi one. This one's pure mallu even thought the title may mislead. It's American Born Confused Desi, with Dulqur back in action. Last time it was Ustad Hotel. If you would pardon the liberty that I would take with interpreting the message, hold on, why should I ask your pardon. My blog, my post, my damn words, who gives a f&^% on what you might think after reading this.

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READING
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I would say the movie is a sarcastic view on how the media, the government and the general public on today's Kerala. It's sugar-coated through a confused NRI's eyes but the visual is there for everyone to see, if you bloody damn give a moment's f%%$ about it. Naah, using f&*^ doesn't make me sound cool. It's just a way of saying this is MINE. At least, on the outer side. Technically, I allow Google rights over this digital copy of my words once it is posted to blogger.com. Oh, one more thing, every bloody thing that you think is coming for free is never free. There is always a catch, something that may not be obvious now but will clear out as time progresses. Coming back to the movie, it's an entertainer albeit a bit long if you think 2:45 is long. Another thing, Dulqur is a rising star with the right set of thoughts in his head. He's chosen carefully, tries something new, an American accent in this one. But then, there is this thing about him, being always super-cool with low waists and hair styles. Not that he doesn't pull it off nicely. Just saying, it's getting repetitive. Oh gosh, 2 movies with a similar wardrobe and I'm saying it's repetitive. Holy Shit, when did I start caring about what someone wears or not wears. ;)

Anyways, seems like I'm getting back to being the old me. Cocky, Abusive, Foolish, Creative, Bullshitter. Welcome back Jo, it's been long since we missed you. A round of applause for the young dashing, bullshitting, piece of Piscean crap who is still as cocky as the one who entered QBurst in an August of 2009.

This is Jo signing off,
Adios

Things that made me.

As the title says, this post is an introspection into what makes me be so me, so different, so cranked up, so wild and unpredictable. Well here it goes.

My seemingly wild ways. along with my devil-may-care attitude stems from the fact that I had Sumit, a.k.a Appu as one of my best friends. The guy's one hell of a thick-skinned, ultra-cool guy who's a real cool dude to hang out with. He's got the wildest dressing sense, in fact, you could almost see him in shorts with a leather jacket in a freezing Kolkata winter. Yet, he wouldn't give a shit as what you think about his attire. He used to grow long hair before "Tere Naam" was released. had studs in his ear while he was still in school, i think in 7th or 8th. The guy could literally wear a flaming yellow shirt coupled with a dark short, have his hair colored all brown and yet chat around with people as if it were his 2nd skin. Not that I could ever do this on my own, but yes I have come close to emulating him, but on dance stages for those who have seen me. ;)

Next in line is my writing bug. This is something that is a gift from Mrs. Manjula Banerjee, Manjula Ma'am as we all called her, way back in my 5th or 6th. There was this chapter called "The Tiger and the Porcupine" and we were supposed to write down the answers for the questions at the end of the chapter. Speaking of "Porcupine", I still remember how my hair used to stand like porcupine quills after my monthly haircut, shining from the oil that Mom used to pour on my head before the bath. Anyways, we had to prepare answers for the questions by the time the lesson was to be over, i.e go over the lesson the night before, write down the answers in a separate rough book and then recite them in class once the lesson was over. So I had this answer written down for all the questions in the chapter, actually plagiarized them from the guide book. But the thing was that I wrote them down in my English. 3 out 7 answers chosen were mine, not a mean achievement given the fact that around half the class prepared answers. That's when it finally struck that I could also write, maybe plagiarized stuff but yes write them in my own words. Thus was born the writer that you see...

My reading habit stems from the fact that my Mom used to be manager at one of the book publishing agencies in Kolkata. She used to bring all kinds of novels, books, magazines from office for me to read and oh boy, wasn't it a jolly time for me. To see Mom bring in books ranging from pure philosophy to political satires was a joy in itself. I have been exposed to reading Adult stories long before I read "The Tempest". Now don't say that Shakespeare's play wasn't adult in its content or that "Macbeth" or "Merchant of Venice" or even "Romeo and Juliet" were adult in content. The preface to each of the plays had a breif description regarding the symbolism in the words. People should actually read the Prologue and Preface of any book. It gives insight to what the book might be about or the idea that the author to pen it down. Anyways, Thanks to Mom and Dad, I could read all that I want even during the exams provided I finished up my lessons before that. "Reader's Digest" was a ever present member in our household, I think there may be copies of old editions lying inside the bottom shelf of the showcase at home. Another thing that I would like to share, I got "Lady Chatterly's Lover" as a prize for scoring high marks in Maths in my 10th. For those who haven't heard of this book, please google it up(NSFW).

My love of lines of code come from Mrs. J Dasgupta's classes. She was a absolute beauty, 'sigh', miss her classes, hearing her voices and those class definitions of C++. I wouldn't say she was the best teacher for C++, but yes it was her class and those problems that she used make us do that had me hooked to writing code. Different types of problems, simple to solve and yet fun to figure out the way to solve it. Oh yes, it was fun trying print patterns using for loops, even variations from the original problem. That problem could be solved within 15 mins but the variations to the actual patterns was what had me spend evenings in the company of the for loop. Then B.Tech let my code dreams catch flight while it slowly killed the writer in me. Speaking of which, the fact that I could not pursue MassCom was one of the primary reasons I didn't give much of a serious thought to B.Tech.

The aloofness to pursuing perfection comes from the fact that I walked in company of giants all my academic life. Compared to them, I am but an insignificant speck. Thanks to them, I have gained so much both experience and mental strength. I know that I can be happy coming second, let others use my ideas. That is because the ones that really matter, would have already thought of a thousand other ways. It lets me concentrate on finding joy within lines of code and prose rather than in exaltation of my achievements.

Next in case study of Jo comes the craze for web and Python. This is one thing I would be ever grateful to Jazz. He was the one who thought it would be great to do our final project in Python instead of Java or C++. Thanks to him, I fell in love with Python. Javascript and HTML were thrust upon me for the IT lab in 6th semester. Well, Javascript and I go further than just lab, I am used to writing prototype scripts or designs in JS, rather than any other language, not that I am proficient in it.

I should be stopping this post for now, since it is already late and I need to go to office tomorrow, oopsi today.
This is Jo signing off,
Adios

Start of the 26th

25 years of a lifetime, gone within the blink of an eye. Here I stand, feeling the weight of 26th year and with joy in my heart. A really surprizing start, I must say. A least expected token of love/respect from my roomies adn that makes the feeling special. Let's stop beating around the bush and start the entry. :D
Coming back late after work is the current obession for me. I have started to work late hours at office, just to keep count of "8 hours of actual work". That's just my justification for the process. Actually, there's a slight crunch in the deadlines, have been the laziest all through this year. Maybe, it's the excitement of celebrating the New Year with family and now the looming location change. We'll be moving to Vazthacaud, the "corporate headquarters" of QBurst Technologies, within a few weeks for continuing work on my current project. Seems like my laziness has passed on to my teammates, or is it me alone ? Not sure as to if I am the only one responsible for this deportation. Anyhow, leaving that behind for now. Will come back to discussing the pros and cons of moving on some other post, some other day. So I come back late on 23rd, around 11 PM, and least expecting anyone to remember my birthday. So after some freshening up, I sit on my lap to watch some movie. Made Binu copy up 2 Telugu films to watch, and they were so boring that I had to stop after 5 mins. Anyways, started watching some English movie as an antidote.
At 00:00 on 24th, the idiots in room wish me and bring in this

well, at least they could have not written my age on it. The icing was tictac tablets, courtesy Shekhar's imagination. Anyways, the cake and the tablets felt nice. Having the jab of cool mint in my mouth while the taste of plum lingers on, heavenly to say the least. The cake was cut and distributed for eating. Regarding the bumps, they postponed it till morning since not all of us were awake then. The good thing was, they forgot about it in the morning. :D
Early morning rise was impossible since I slept around 1. Yash called up at 1:05 and I was so fast asleep that I didn't hear the ring. Anyways, got up late at 7:30 and then the mad rush for the cab. Frankly, I should have called up "Idiot" to hold the cab up for me. But then, mind doesn't figure out the way until it is too late. So I miss the cab, now that's an awesome start to the new year, and so thought of paying a visit to my dearest BRO. Made my way to the Spencer's church and spent a few mins conversing with BRO, actually a one-way prayer for the things that I got and would be getting. Then, breakfast at Aruna's. Seems like the hotel has special place in my plan of things. Right from the days in college to the 1st day of the 26th year ;). After breakfast, a walk to PMG and then a bus cum auto to office. A few birthday messages in between, and oh, forgot to write. It was Mom's call that woke me up at 7:30. A wish for her dear nikkamma son and then over to Pop's for his share of wishes. What happened between me and Pop's is still hazy, however this was the first time that we were having an uneasy conversation on phone. God knows, what happened ? Must be the news that Sis cleared her 7th semester with 7.18 GPA. My dear Bhootni seems to be rocking in Bhilai. She's on the way to clear her degree before her Nikkamma brother does it. As if I cared about that, even though Mom and Dad do. Speaking of which, I didn't get through the 7th sem. Results came out a few days back, didn't have the courage to call Mom and say that I failed again. They still expect their son to perform like he did in his 10th and 12th. Leaving that academic crap behind, moving on to the office.
Reached before 9:30, I think. Got greeted by slaps on my back from the cabin mates and then the handshakes, in that order. Went out to fill up the water bottle. I get too damn thirsty sitting in that AC full time. On the way back, I am greeted again with hits, it's with bottles this time from my "Tea team". Came back to seat and started working, albeit for a short time. Well, how can someone be expected to work when it rains slaps on the back from time to time. The sample vediketts were just an aberration, something worse was in store for the evening.
I must say, this was the most surprizing birthday that I have ever celebrated. The "Tea Team" had already planned a cake facial, me being the unknowing victim. I was expecting a cake facial from my cabin mates, at the most. They called up on the pretext of having tea in the pantry. A little late by our usual timing but then better late than never. There was the cake waiting for me, to be cut, to be smeared and to plastered over my whole face. Well, cake facials can be borne without much hassle but what do I say about those birthday bumps. My back was sore with slaps and kicks by the time I was ready for cutting the cake. That too, this was only the 1st and there was another waiting for me after that. So after I cut the cake, instead of getting my lips onto it, I had my whole face touching the cake. aaah, the feel of icing on the face and eyes. Well the idiots even tried cramming it up my ears and neck and they were successful in that too. :P. A few clicks and then off to the wash room for the clean up. Had to spend around 15 mins just to get the cake out of my system. Back to office, like a wet cat with the hair still having the feel of icing on it. Thankffully, someone had turned off the AC and so I didn't have to shiver much. Next thing I knew was being dragged back to pantry for the 2nd edition of cake facial, this time my cabin mates. Thankfully, the celebrations have mellowed down.
Last time, I was manhandled by half the office guys. I was literally carried to the pantry back then. All the while being at the recieving end of the bumps. Anyways, this time the bumps were lesser but still painful for my now-fluffed-up bums. After that, the cake was cut. What was written on top of the cakes is out of bounds to be written here since that would take another round of posts to explain. :P. Anyways, the next facial was completed, harsher and more complete than the earlier one. This one took me around half-an-hour to clear up but thankfully, it was the last. Back to office and then a quick work to finish up a pending task. Not that it was completed by the time it was for me to leave. Anyways, pleaded JK to complete it for me while I ran for the cab, again. This time however, I could catch it. How I reached so early before time is anybody's guess because I was home by 7:20. Next in line was a treat for my roomies. Had to wait for Binu to reach back after office. The bugger had to drop in at his former office for something. So he had us waiting till 9 before we decided to make the move to Zamzam. Reached there, but not soon enough because the place was all choc-a-block with people. So had to settle for Noor Mahal instead. Binu reached by the time we were in front of the hotel. Now that's timing :D.
Dinner was a long affair lasting around an hour, thanx to the slow service there. Had some fun looking at the beauties in there, most of them with someone. :P. How come, the good ones seem to be booked. Anways, back home after the dinner and then a long sleep, I mean real long sleep. Got up at 11:30 in the afternoon yesterday. Well, it is Yesterday since I started writing this post. Thanks to Facebook for wasting the precious hours in between. :P. Woke up late in the afternoon, walked up to Kunnukuzhy in search of lunch only face failure. So walked further till MLA Veg Canteen for the lunch. Anyways, how to expect lunch at 2:30 in the afternoon. Luckily, we, Binu, Shekhar and me, didn't have to walk again. Had lunch and then a long walk back home under the hot sun. Sundar called up asking if we were at home. He came over in a jiffy, if an hour of waiting could be summerized as jiffy ;). Made plans to watch some movie. We were supposed to go for some Tamil film, changed mind at the last moment to watch Jodi Breakers, instead. Well, bad luck seemed to be in sync with us. Wanted to catch an auto to the theatre but no one was ready. Not sure why, so had to catch a bus. The film was supposed to start at 6:15 as per our calculations. We were already late by 2 mins. However, the timing shown was 6:30 when we reached the Theatre. Anjali was the place, SL theatres for the ignorant. Bought tickets and I had to wait while Sundar and Binu grabbed a quick puff or two. Checked weight and it showed 68.3, I think. Must have been my slippers to that extra 2-3kgs... Got in to watch the movie. Must say, it's a one time watch. Entertaining but it dragged a bit in between after the interval. Anyways, the climax was a quick roll-up leaving, at least me, a bit dissatisfied. Made my way back to Kani with Binu, bought few dosas for dinner in between.
Back at Kani, I had a quick dinner since I was famished by the end of the movie. Re-activated my Facebook profile, God know's for what reason. Had a long look at profile pictures of the beauties in my friends list. Then finished up this boring piece of a post and so ends my entry for now.
This is Jo signing off for now,
Adios.

A silent admiration

The sudden flash of lightening, that Eureka feeling. I don't know how to put this across. Let's try the to-the-point style. The one girl, I thought, I would never come to admire, the one who will never gain respect in my heart. Ha, the fallacies of the human nature. How time erodes those barriers, something that I now know first hand. I haven't been in touch, frankly I have rarely spoken to her or gazed upon those eyes. Her eyes, they seem so alive with passion to fight, the arrogance of having lived twice and sparkling with the fervour of living the moment. I could never let her know that she's finally won my admiration. Her spirit, her beauty and well, even her stubborness. Reminds me of my dear sis. But this is like the goddess who's to be worshipped, never loved. For you can have foolish hopes that she would return the favour. For such kindness is rare, even more thanx to the fact, that she's already bound to someone else.
Well, what do I call this feeling then ? Something short of worshipping, but higher than just admiration. Something that I can never express in open but something that cannot be contained within. It's the sort of  feeling one gets when you see something as simple as a floating cloud beneath your feet or that first bud of rose on a stem. Something so vunerable, yet so strong. Well, it looks like I am almost on my knees singing paeans of her praise. Hell ya, it is kinda praise, for beauty worth feeling about is worth writing about.
I'm kinda gonna keep those eyes nearby, for the hope that it would drag me out of any misery that I drown into so often. This isn't f*&$%# love. It's this feel of silent admiration of a mystery that revolves around those eyes, that spirited being of a human. All that I can do for now is perhaps a symbolic tipping of the hat before her. This said and written will never be discussed again because it would be sacrilege to this silent admiration. Aah, those eyes.. :D
This is Jo signing off for now,
Adios.

Towards Nirvana

Kuch naye he khile phool is gulistan mein,

Anjaane hi sahi, par khusbu to aane lagi

Khwaab kuch naye sajjne lage iss dil mein,

Kisi ki muskurahat yunhi yaad aane lagi...

Well, well. I feel swamped by that old feeling again. Something that I was unsure could happen again. Maybe it's just a flash in the pan, or who knows something for the better. Anyhow, one thing's for sure, I wanna know more about Miss Intriguing smile. There's always room for a bit of risk. Risk to gain something finally worth feeling the pain for. As one of the idiots in my office once messaged : "It's completely impossible to find someone who won't ever hurt you.. So go for someone who will make the pain worthwhile..", I hope MIS is the one. ;)
BTW, all this goody goody feeling is happening because I just finished seeing a funny, moving, romantic film "Crazy Stupid Love". Films make me feel better, hands on for the romantic ones. However, they do the opposite for some others that I know. To cut the story short, this post was about this new warmth filling my heart and so I would like to end it on this note.

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."

This is Jo signing off for now,
Adios

A Novel Nirvana

Lamhon ke ye nazakat to dekho,
Is dard-e-dil mein phir bahaar sa aaya,
Phool aise khile he unke ke liye,
Ki ab hamaare nazaron ko koi aur na bhaaya.

For those who won't be able to decipher the above lines, here's a synopsis of the same. Look at the nuances of time that flows by, turning pain into garden, where each flower buds out for her, for there is none so worthy who could turn my gaze away from her.

Well, this is the 3rd draft for this post and yet I am unable to find words to describe my present feelings. I feel like a total idiot who knows what is it that his heart wants to say but his mind wanders about. Thinking of her face, the way she smiles and those glasses on her nose. Aaah, that's a sight to watch. What I wouldn't give to just stare at that beauty, to let her know what I feel for her. The care that seems to grow with each passing day and the anxiety of her withdrawing if that came to light. Never have I been so confused lately with what I feel and what I think. She's managed to pull out most of the stops that I had planted between her and my heart. I fear only one thing now, that I may be unable to express how much she means to me. As always, this fear of failure is chilling my spine. I wish to stop writing this for this may never see the light of the day, unless I moderate the content.

Just this one thing, she's made me look at the brighter side of life again. I wish that this angel of mine remains with me. Nothing short of a prayer, yet just a simple wish from someone who's besotted with love. As always, these words from Van Helsing, the movie, come to my rescue :
"I have no heart! I feel no love... nor fear... nor joy... nor sorrow! I am... hollow..."
It's time that I leave these words behind and begin a journey, a journey who's destination is an Angel. An "aishwaryam-olla" kutti, who is yet to know the value of her in my eyes.

This is Jo signing off,
Adios for now

Beginning of a return ?

Woh kehte hai na ki ek halki si hawa bhi kabhi phoolon ke barsaat laati hai.
Kaash yeh bhi unh phoolon jaisa hota, naazukh aur pyaari.

Still confused as to how to write down my "dil ki bhadass". Let's see kuch na kuch aa hi jaayega. Sometimes it takes the slightest of push to turn something tipsy-turvy. Well, subaah bas ek board dekh li aur gaya mera mood. Ek saffed board jis par uski company ka naam tha. Shayad woh uski company ka cab bhi nahi hoga, lekin kya kare kambhakt dil ko bas ek jhalak hi kaafi hoti hai. Aur ho gayi saari din ki tai tai phus. Na jaane kyun aaj bhi woh chehra aankhon ke saamne yunh hi aa jaata hai. Woh kehte hai na, dil ki lagi sabse zor ki lagti hai. Aaj to rone ka bhi mann kar raha hai aur hasne ka bhi. Yaadon ne to rula diya lekin brain to mazaak udda raha hai ki woh kaise abhi bhi tujhe aise touch kar sakti hai.
Is kashmokash mein to aaj saara din nikal gaya. Na thik se kaam kar paaya aur na thik se hass. Waise rona dohna bandh aur back to recollecting aaj ka din.
So another Monday comes by. Btw, I went to Mom's place this weekend after, I think around, 4~5 months. Ammachi seemed so happy to see her eldest grandson again and Maamu ki Jaan seemed his usual self. Waise, it was fun to travel in the bus from Trivandrum to Adoor. Seemed like the old days were back. Those 3 hours on Sat afternoon, magical moments that leave me wanting for more. Wind in my hair and the shaking of the KSRTC bus while keeping my nose inside some novel. Oh, this time it was JK's book for company. "Immortals of Meluha" by Amish Tripathi. Something based on Shiva, the trilogy is named as "Shiva trilogy". Turning one of the most eccentric Hindu Gods into a man of flesh and blood. Whose deeds led him to transform from an ordinary human to one of the Triune Gods. I may hurt some sentiments here with all this words, but then who cares what you think. This is my place of "F&**@*@&^" expression. Anyways, reached Adoor in like under 2.5 hours and then a bus to Mom's place, Chandanapally. A small walk home, under the moonlight... Sigh. Reached home, Ammachi was alone in the kitchen. Maamu was still at the library with his bunch of friends. Had a small chat with ammachi, then a quick dinner and after that back to Meluha. Sorry, the dinner wasn't quick enough since Bincy "aunty" and Sundar ji had to call up in between. Bincy "aunty" doesn't need to have anything in particular to call me up but Sundar was planning for another movie outing. First show of the "Second Show". Made plans to reach TVM before 6 so as to catch the movie and then back to Meluha(again).
Woke up late on Sunday, as usual, and no going to Church. Ammachi woke me up at 6 in the morning and yet I somehow excused my self from attending the Mass, half-awake. Seems like I argue better hald-awake. ;) Should try it out at office someday. Drooping head in the meeting and slurry speech. Would be one for the record books, or better videos. So back to Sunday, woke up at ~10:30 and straight to kitchen for the tea. Armed with tea and laptop, I walked into the Hall wanting to switch on the TV instead. Thought against it and started watching "It's kinda funny story" on laptop. Got bored and closed lap before switching on to Meluha. Finished up 75% by the time I had to leave for Trivandrum. A quick bath and then the rush to bus stop as usual. Speaking of the bus stop, standing there made me go on a flashback. I used spend my times in the bus-stop fighting with Spoon over SMSes while waiting for the bus to arrive. Thought of SMSing her but then hesitation. Woh kehte hai na, ki kaafi din ho gaye msg behjkar. Agar abhi bheja to kaisi lagegi, wagera wagera. So didn't msg her and spent the time doing nothing. Bus came after 20 mins of wait and then a quick drive to Adoor. Caught the first KSRTC bus to Trivandrum. It was mostly empty and so I sat on the seat opposite to the door. Got back to Meluha after paying for the ticket. Finished it up before reaching Kilimanoor, I think, and then the usual job :  mouth-watching.  In between Sundar called a few times to know where I had reached. Somehow reached the city. Called up Shekhar to transport a packet to Kani as I had to reach Ajanta for the show. After passing the Achar packet to Shekhu at PMG, I called up Sundar who said that there  was only 1 last balcony ticket which he took. Since he wasn't sure if I would reach on time, he didn't take the risk of getting two tickets. So I got down at next stop, near the Govt. Students' Hostel. Walked past the State Central Library and then a circuitous road back home. Dinner, a few chats and then a tight sleep.
Monday morning. Got up pretty early, by my standards, at ~6:45am. Next the daily activities and Run for the cab. Speaking of which, I think the cab seems to be growing smaller with every passing day. As the number of daily "regular" travelers are increasing, the size of cab seems to be decreasing. Anyhow, I managed a seat, thought of bringing out "The Fountainhead" for a quick read but gave up seeing the number of people already present. It seemed a bit of a choc-a-bloc. Reached office, and oh yes, saw Meher's company bus on the way. :P
The first mail I saw was from Arun chettan asking how we missed an important functionality for the last week's release. What a way to start off the perfect day. Anyways, replied the mail and went for breakfast. Wanted to bring back my appetite and so ordered 2 Aloo paranthas. Ate through them while sipping the rich Banglore coffee. Just thinking of it seems to make my tongue salivate. After that, back to office and a few goofing before lunch. Lunch and then back to office. The gloomy mood still stuck made work seem so boring. Thought of leaving early today and working the extra hours the next day. Anyhow, sat through till 6:15pm after which I couldn't bear the melancholy that had descended on me. Speaking of 6:15, it was the time I used to excuse my self for a water break and to watch her leave for the day.. Sigh. Ab to bas aahein barthe raho. A ride back home on JK's bike and dinner at KSRTC. That pretty much sums up for the weekends and today.

This is Jo signing off,
Adios

A quick catch-up

Kisi zubaan par yeh reh gayi,
Aap ko khoya to ruh kho gayi,
Lamho ne kuch ishaaaron se kaha,
Dekh aayi phir koi aur teri ruh lekar.

The time for the next post seems to have been shortened, thanx to an idiot's question. It has been almost a month since I reached back from Kolkata. Par kya kare, missing Mom, Dad and bhootni already. How do I tell them that I love them so much ? I can't call up every now and then, or according to some fixed timetable. I ain't that kinda guy, ki aaj Sat hai, chalo Mom ko phone karte hain, ya phir, it's 6 in the morning, oh Mom ko bulaana bhul gaya. Come on, I am kinda lazy to dial a few no.s even. Leaving that aside, I am still caught up in that web of cough and breathlessness. Thanks, but no thanks, to the Kolkata chill. Waise, it was already there by time we were done with QBurst Day celebrations. Spekaing of that, I don't how the hell I got the guts to get up on stage and shake that booty of mine. That too without even a sip of drink. Coming to drinks, last saturday was awesome. Simi got married, Jose came to Trivandrum and I got stoned pretty bad. pretty bad, in the sense that it could be said to be the repeat of "the last see-off" of the former Kani team. Anyways, got a nice scratch around the hips as a remainder. Haahaa, speaking of which, the scar is quite an irritant these days. :P

Back to track, on to a flashback. Zooming back two weeks. Me suffering from the cough and breathing problem. Couldn't eat or drink anything that Saturday. It was kinda Vaalu season for me. Eat, cough and vomit. Nice rhyming, almost makes me do a Y this Kolaveri right now. A mental note, need to parody the Kolaveri to something more adultish. Focus, machu focus. So had to go to Jubilee hospital for the "dava daaru". Makes me remember the MTV ad in which they search for actors. One of the lines was "Isse dava ki nahi, dua ki zaroorat hai". Can't help smiling at those faces, waah I still remember. Sabaash bacche, kaash yeh yaddaash exams ke time par bhi hoti. :P Anyways, got a blood checkup done. Forgot the most important thing. We, me, Achar and Sundar, went to the hospital at 10 in the night. "10 in the night". Mast time for move around in the city. Sunsaan raaste, akele kuch ladke aur beech mein aaye ek awaaz. "Allah ke naam par kuch de de baba". Just kidding, nothing of that sort happended sadly. Got to the hospital, me having the cough attack at regular intervals and they making fun of the "TB paitient". Saw the doc, she ordered a blood test first and then a small initial checkup. Well, speaking of the blood test, I was the guinea pig for the night. There was this new nurse for the shift. She actually tried piercing one of my smaller veins or was it an artery for drawing blood. Well, it had to be the vein otherwise, I would have bleed a bit more than usual. Anyhow, another sister had to come up to take the blood and the results would have been generated only after an hour or so. So we made our way out of the hospital for a cup of coffee and something to eat. Ash and Sundar had some food, while I had my first taste of black tea, or was it not. Don't remember if what we used to have from the Arabic restaurent at 7th floor was tea or coffee. Moving foward, the results came and I was prescribed a bit of medicines. The cost of which was around 350~400 bucks, my hard earned money down the medicinal drain. :((. And yes, the drip. I had the first drip of my life. The hanging bottle of liquid and those white clean ceilings, waah what a way to spend time in the hospital. Waise, the drip took around 2 hours to complete. Raat ke 1 baje, before I could move back home. So ends the flash-back.

Back to present and the Republic day. Speaking of Republic Day, last time it was a pseudo-patriotic post from my side. This time not even a mention of patriotism. Waah, kya baat hai. Anyways, got up late as usual and had a late, real late brunch. Lots of chatting on YMessenger and then the rush to catch the movie. Sundar was here in the morning. Dude came over to study but alas, my place is/was such a mess that he left after some time. Had a small chit-chat and some plans for a movie. I wasn't excepting that the dude would actually go for it. Anyways, scrolling to evening, got a call from Sundar saying he was going for the movie. How could I refuse the dude, he's been my steady movie partner since I landed back for the "Job" in Trivandrum. Next call from him was saying that he was at the theater and that the tickets would be easily available. I should smelt something amiss right then. But kya kare, I don't follow my intuition any longer these days. A small break. Just checked mail and it seems the Buzzbuzz guys have pulled off something great again. Saw a Kudos which seems just the thing for them.

Now back to my schedule :P. The movie was Lal-e-ton's Cassanova. Well, I made it just in time before the movie started. 6pm and I was still at PMG. 6:15, there I was right beside Sundar waiting for the movie to begin. Must have been my lucky-or was it unlucky- streak. Anyways, Lalettan looks lot younger, thanx to all that makeup. The funny thing was that, when He and Shreya stood together, it didn't seem like Appoopan and Kochumol. ;). Anyways, the movie is masala entertainer, not some solid script movie. You can enjoy the songs, the chase sequences, even the funny dance by Mr. Ton at the disco. After the movie, it was the long walk back to home. Right beside the flyover and thru Bakery junction. Speaking of which, this was supposed to be the Thank-You post. Bcoz each thing that I felt while walking was like a thank-you to the One above, to my parents and last, but not the least, to all mu pain-in-the-ass friends. Maybe I should wind up this post now since it is already more than a page long. :P

This is Jo signing off for now,
Adios

Another late posting...

Kabhi ye tanhayi poooche mujhse,
Kyun chodd gayi yun tumhe,
Aadhi raah par bin sahaare ke,
Kisi aur ke saath nibhane ko waade.

Just some of the random sections of words that crop of in my mind. I am hoping that at least this draft of mine sees light. There is so much to blog about, the past few months, the joy of achievement, the pain of loss, the anxiety of future. But for now, let's keep this straight at this day, or rather week. Well, Mondays aren't my forte. I, simply, am too lazy to do good on that day. Rather, I am unable to recollect something interesting that happened. ;)
Regarding Tuesday, had another "go-with-the-flow" day. But then today was thankfully different. Today's points to be noted include a bug that I passed onto live, a treat that wasn't as exciting as I hoped and finally, a long-awaited Kudos to a fellow project member. Starting with the good news, one of our Space astronauts finally got a Kudos,albeit a personal one. Ajith, the rock-star of our team, crunched down a logic flow that initially bubbled up as Out-of-Memory issue to one that was optimized to be completed with 12.42 secs. Got to hand it to that guy, he works harder than the rest of us, at least more than me, and parties even harder. Another form of Angel, except for maybe the color, naah definitely the color. Leaving the comparison aside, he's truly one of the cornerstones of our project.
Onto the next, the Bug. So finally, after wishing that I never release something that I don't test thoroughly into the live, I had to come crashing down on my bums. And boy, didn't that just hurt. Bloody Hell, the 2nd thing that I see in the morning mail is that concerning my bug. How fucked up could the start of a day get ? You see a kudos for a fellow team member and then a bloody slap on your self-esteem. I can't still believe how absent-minded I have become. Like needing someone to test my code before I send it out. As if I need to spoon-fed to produce decent code. I wouldn't say I give optimized, or even good, code but the least I could do was provide a bug free code, especially since I know the pain of seeing bugs, as my previous avatar as a QA engineer. Speaking of engineer, the season begins on 25th of this month. Applied for the leaves and hoping for the best. Even though clearing B.Tech completely remains a distant dream, I still am hopeful that I finish it up this time. Who the hell am I soaping up ? The reality is that I have double exam days as well consecutive ones. It will be a hard obstacle but I am under-prepared. This is where I feel like shouting at my Ma and Pa. For sending me here instead of letting me pursue my dream as journalist. Luckily, they are unaware of the fact that I am still mad at them, naah at my self for not being strong willed, for letting peer-pressure decide my way. Anyways, the day I finish this bloody fucked up degree, I am definitely gonna enroll for a MassCom degree. keeping my fingers crossed on that. Touchwood.
Back to bullet points. The party. There was party in the afternoon, as a part of some birthdays, a marriage, a car purchase and last, but not the least, the joy of having a newborn. Arun chettan's been blessed with a baby. Happened a month or two ago, not sure of the date, but my prayers with the young family that they see or feel no harm in these tender days. Anyways, regarding my expectations for the buffet, yes buffet at the Park, bloody double-crossing, miserly piece of shit-hole, the Park Rajdhani. I was hoping for a far better quality and variety in the food being served. How were we to know that they had taken off several chicken dishes from the menu. On top of that, I wasn't ready for a plunge in to the deprecated menu since my last tryst with Park. I had to spend a few days out of office, thanks to a bloody food poisoning, after that day. However, today seemed okay as far my stomach's response. I had to control myself, rather the menu did it for me, from over-consuming anything. Bon Appetite, I would have wished for myself and everyone, but naah, it wasn't supposed to be a good day for me.
Now finally, those lines that I scribbled at the top. I, I, I, I..... Bloody fucking I. Could I just stop being so self-centric ? naah.. This is the way that my mind and heart functions and to change this would be to kill myself. Anyways, I still miss her at times. So far from me, and yet this bloody idiotic piece of shit yearns for her. How is it that these thoughts come crashing back at me when I least need them ? Why isn't it easy as in the movies ? "Keep these beautiful moments with you. Learn from them and live with them." as in Vaarnam Aayiram. Bloody hell, those memories gnaw at my soul, how inept I was to loose a gem like her ? No matter how much I think of her as the "......." one, shit I can't find a bloody word to describe her act, it still boils down to the fact that I was unable to show what I felt. As if this is something new. Anyways, let's stop the cribbing for now. Until the next post on my Royaume de reves.
This is Jo signing off,
Adios..

Bitter brew of love

Seldom does something change, as does the broken heart,
From the firm and carefree, to lost and careless
A few moments of joy last like a lifetime of pain,
Piercing thru the thin veil of forgetfulness
O fuck thy holier than thou attitude,
For it hurts like nothing else

Lost in the midst of a never-ending grief
The mind wanders along the familiar paths
Grasping for straws that have faded,
For a moment that perished long ago
Even the clock seems tired to tick
When the thoughts of her dance into the mind.

Kaboom, as it goes down without a fight
The pseudo wall of defiance, the hard nut feel
A stream of thoughts erupt in between
Turning the calm into a brewing storm
And out of the storm, comes light on foot
The trampling of words that feel so odd.

Pre-exam jitters !

*Update: This is a late posting of an earlier-written draft ;)*

Lamhe mein kaisi ye kasish hai,
Bin pyaas ye kaisi taras hai,
Pehle na thi yu bejaan se pal,
Ki har saas mein na mile jo chain,
Kya ye wo bin aapka hai kal,
Lamho mein thi jo na koi hulchul..

Boom, There goes another f*$%$&#@ set of lines. Well, instead of concentrating on my studies, look at what my mind wants to keep saying. Another sneak-peak of the Jo's depression mania. Naah, this is just the before-exam jitters. The will of the exam-bearer goes weak while the degree looms right upon us, just to plagiarize the lines from LOTR. The season begins in 2 days and I'm so thoroughly unprepared. With each passing season, my intent weakens and the effort decreases. It's like a vicious circle, the more I stay away from books, the harder it becomes to come back to them. Every time a page opens, my mind races to find a source of fresh air. Figuratively, this explains it so well. Wow, now this is a nice piece of line. Gonna put it up a status someday, hopefully before I forget the words.
Speaking about exams again, E-security is the first paper before me. Hopefully, I should be able to start at it today itself. Anyways, time for me to sign off and "pull up my socks"...

This is Jo signing off,
Adios.