10/28/2011

Pre-exam jitters !

*Update: This is a late posting of an earlier-written draft ;)*
Lamhe mein kaisi ye kasish hai,
Bin pyaas ye kaisi taras hai,
Pehle na thi yu bejaan se pal,
Ki har saas mein na mile jo chain,
Kya ye wo bin aapka hai kal,
Lamho mein thi jo na koi hulchul..

Boom, There goes another f*$%$&#@ set of lines. Well, instead of concentrating on my studies, look at what my mind wants to keep saying. Another sneak-peak of the Jo's depression mania. Naah, this is just the before-exam jitters. The will of the exam-bearer goes weak while the degree looms right upon us, just to plagiarize the lines from LOTR. The season begins in 2 days and I'm so thoroughly unprepared. With each passing season, my intent weakens and the effort decreases. It's like a vicious circle, the more I stay away from books, the harder it becomes to come back to them. Every time a page opens, my mind races to find a source of fresh air. Figuratively, this explains it so well. Wow, now this is a nice piece of line. Gonna put it up a status someday, hopefully before I forget the words.
Speaking about exams again, E-security is the first paper before me. Hopefully, I should be able to start at it today itself. Anyways, time for me to sign off and "pull up my socks"...

This is Jo signing off,
Adios.

10/20/2011

The day called Yesterday

Kabhi ye tanhayi poooche mujhse,
Kyun chodd gayi yun tumhe,
Aadhi raah par bin sahaare ke,
Kisi aur ke saath nibhane ko waade.

Just some of the random sections of words that crop of in my mind. I am hoping that at least this draft of mine sees light. There is so much to blog about, the past few months, the joy of achievement, the pain of loss, the anxiety of future. But for now, let's keep this straight at this day, or rather week. Well, Mondays aren't my forte. I, simply, am too lazy to do good on that day. Rather, I am unable to recollect something interesting that happened. ;)
Regarding Tuesday, had another "go-with-the-flow" day. But then today was thankfully different. Today's points to be noted include a bug that I passed onto live, a treat that wasn't as exciting as I hoped and finally, a long-awaited Kudos to a fellow project member. Starting with the good news, one of our Space astronauts finally got a Kudos,albeit a personal one. Ajith, the rockstar of our team, crunched down a logic flow that intially bubbled up as Out-of-Memory issue to one that was optimized to be completed with 12.42 secs. Got to hand it to that guy, he works harder than the rest of us, atleast more than me, and parties even harder. Another form of Angel, except for maybe the color, naah definitely the color. Leaving the comparison aside, he's truly one of the cornerstones of our project.
Onto the next, the Bug. So finally, after wishing that I never release something that I don't test thoroughly into the live, I had to come crashing down on my bums. And boy, didn't that just hurt. Bloody Hell, the 2nd thing that I see in the morning mail is that concerning my bug. How fucked up could the start of a day get ? You see a kudos for a fellow team member and then a bloody slap on your self-esteem. I can't still believe how absent-minded I have become. Like needing someone to test my code before I send it out. As if I need to spoon-fed to produce decent code. I wouldn't say I give optimized, or even good, code but the least I could do was provide a bug free code, especially since I know the pain of seeing bugs, as my previous avatar as a QA engineer. Speaking of engineer, the season begins on 25th of this month. Applied for the leaves and hoping for the best. Even though clearing B.Tech completely remains a distant dream, I still am hopeful that I finish it up this time. Who the hell am I soaping up ? The reality is that I have double exam days as well consecutive ones. It will be a hard obstacle but I am under-prepared. This is where I feel like shouting at my Ma and Pa. For sending me here instead of letting me pursue my dream as journalist. Luckily, they are unaware of the fact that I am still mad at them, naah at my self for not being strong willed, for letting peer-pressure decide my way. Anyways, the day I finish this bloody fucked up degree, I am definitely gonna enroll for a MassCom degree. keeping my fingers crossed on that. Touchwood.
Back to bullet points. The party. There was party in the afternoon, as a part of some birthdays, a marriage, a car purchase and last, but not the least, the joy of having a newborn. Arun chettan's been blessed with a baby. Happened a month or two ago, not sure of the date, but my prayers with the young family that they see or feel no harm in these tender days. Anyways, regarding my expectations for the buffet, yes buffet at the Park, bloody double-crossing, miserly piece of shit-hole, the Park Rajdhani. I was hoping for a far better quality and variety in the food being served. How were we to know that they had taken off several chicken dishes from the menu. On top of that, I wasn't ready for a plunge in to the deprecated menu since my last tryst with Park. I had to spend a few days out of office, thanks to a bloody food poisoning, after that day. However, today seemed okay as far my stomach's response. I had to control myself, rather the menu did it for me, from over-consuming anything. Bon Appetite, I would have wished for myself and everyone, but naah, it wasn't supposed to be a good day for me.
Now finally, those lines that I scribbled at the top. I, I, I, I..... Bloody fucking I. Could I just stop being so self-centric ? naah.. This is the way that my mind and heart functions and to change this would be to kill myself. Anyways, I still miss her at times. So far from me, and yet this bloody idiotic piece of shit yearns for her. How is it that these thoughts come crashing back at me when I least need them ? Why isn't it easy as in the movies ? "Keep these beautiful moments with you. Learn from them and live with them." as in Vaarnam Aayiram. Bloody hell, those memories gnaw at my soul, how inept I was to loose a gem like her ? No matter how much I think of her as the "......." one, shit I can't find a bloody word to describe her act, it still boils down to the fact that I was unable to show what I felt. As if this is something new. Anyways, let's stop the cribbing for now. Until the next post on my Royume de Reaves.
This is Jo signing off,
Adios..
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