Start of the 26th

25 years of a lifetime, gone within the blink of an eye. Here I stand, feeling the weight of 26th year and with joy in my heart. A really surprizing start, I must say. A least expected token of love/respect from my roomies adn that makes the feeling special. Let's stop beating around the bush and start the entry. :D
Coming back late after work is the current obession for me. I have started to work late hours at office, just to keep count of "8 hours of actual work". That's just my justification for the process. Actually, there's a slight crunch in the deadlines, have been the laziest all through this year. Maybe, it's the excitement of celebrating the New Year with family and now the looming location change. We'll be moving to Vazthacaud, the "corporate headquarters" of QBurst Technologies, within a few weeks for continuing work on my current project. Seems like my laziness has passed on to my teammates, or is it me alone ? Not sure as to if I am the only one responsible for this deportation. Anyhow, leaving that behind for now. Will come back to discussing the pros and cons of moving on some other post, some other day. So I come back late on 23rd, around 11 PM, and least expecting anyone to remember my birthday. So after some freshening up, I sit on my lap to watch some movie. Made Binu copy up 2 Telugu films to watch, and they were so boring that I had to stop after 5 mins. Anyways, started watching some English movie as an antidote.
At 00:00 on 24th, the idiots in room wish me and bring in this

well, at least they could have not written my age on it. The icing was tictac tablets, courtesy Shekhar's imagination. Anyways, the cake and the tablets felt nice. Having the jab of cool mint in my mouth while the taste of plum lingers on, heavenly to say the least. The cake was cut and distributed for eating. Regarding the bumps, they postponed it till morning since not all of us were awake then. The good thing was, they forgot about it in the morning. :D
Early morning rise was impossible since I slept around 1. Yash called up at 1:05 and I was so fast asleep that I didn't hear the ring. Anyways, got up late at 7:30 and then the mad rush for the cab. Frankly, I should have called up "Idiot" to hold the cab up for me. But then, mind doesn't figure out the way until it is too late. So I miss the cab, now that's an awesome start to the new year, and so thought of paying a visit to my dearest BRO. Made my way to the Spencer's church and spent a few mins conversing with BRO, actually a one-way prayer for the things that I got and would be getting. Then, breakfast at Aruna's. Seems like the hotel has special place in my plan of things. Right from the days in college to the 1st day of the 26th year ;). After breakfast, a walk to PMG and then a bus cum auto to office. A few birthday messages in between, and oh, forgot to write. It was Mom's call that woke me up at 7:30. A wish for her dear nikkamma son and then over to Pop's for his share of wishes. What happened between me and Pop's is still hazy, however this was the first time that we were having an uneasy conversation on phone. God knows, what happened ? Must be the news that Sis cleared her 7th semester with 7.18 GPA. My dear Bhootni seems to be rocking in Bhilai. She's on the way to clear her degree before her Nikkamma brother does it. As if I cared about that, even though Mom and Dad do. Speaking of which, I didn't get through the 7th sem. Results came out a few days back, didn't have the courage to call Mom and say that I failed again. They still expect their son to perform like he did in his 10th and 12th. Leaving that academic crap behind, moving on to the office.
Reached before 9:30, I think. Got greeted by slaps on my back from the cabin mates and then the handshakes, in that order. Went out to fill up the water bottle. I get too damn thirsty sitting in that AC full time. On the way back, I am greeted again with hits, it's with bottles this time from my "Tea team". Came back to seat and started working, albeit for a short time. Well, how can someone be expected to work when it rains slaps on the back from time to time. The sample vediketts were just an aberration, something worse was in store for the evening.
I must say, this was the most surprizing birthday that I have ever celebrated. The "Tea Team" had already planned a cake facial, me being the unknowing victim. I was expecting a cake facial from my cabin mates, at the most. They called up on the pretext of having tea in the pantry. A little late by our usual timing but then better late than never. There was the cake waiting for me, to be cut, to be smeared and to plastered over my whole face. Well, cake facials can be borne without much hassle but what do I say about those birthday bumps. My back was sore with slaps and kicks by the time I was ready for cutting the cake. That too, this was only the 1st and there was another waiting for me after that. So after I cut the cake, instead of getting my lips onto it, I had my whole face touching the cake. aaah, the feel of icing on the face and eyes. Well the idiots even tried cramming it up my ears and neck and they were successful in that too. :P. A few clicks and then off to the wash room for the clean up. Had to spend around 15 mins just to get the cake out of my system. Back to office, like a wet cat with the hair still having the feel of icing on it. Thankffully, someone had turned off the AC and so I didn't have to shiver much. Next thing I knew was being dragged back to pantry for the 2nd edition of cake facial, this time my cabin mates. Thankfully, the celebrations have mellowed down.
Last time, I was manhandled by half the office guys. I was literally carried to the pantry back then. All the while being at the recieving end of the bumps. Anyways, this time the bumps were lesser but still painful for my now-fluffed-up bums. After that, the cake was cut. What was written on top of the cakes is out of bounds to be written here since that would take another round of posts to explain. :P. Anyways, the next facial was completed, harsher and more complete than the earlier one. This one took me around half-an-hour to clear up but thankfully, it was the last. Back to office and then a quick work to finish up a pending task. Not that it was completed by the time it was for me to leave. Anyways, pleaded JK to complete it for me while I ran for the cab, again. This time however, I could catch it. How I reached so early before time is anybody's guess because I was home by 7:20. Next in line was a treat for my roomies. Had to wait for Binu to reach back after office. The bugger had to drop in at his former office for something. So he had us waiting till 9 before we decided to make the move to Zamzam. Reached there, but not soon enough because the place was all choc-a-block with people. So had to settle for Noor Mahal instead. Binu reached by the time we were in front of the hotel. Now that's timing :D.
Dinner was a long affair lasting around an hour, thanx to the slow service there. Had some fun looking at the beauties in there, most of them with someone. :P. How come, the good ones seem to be booked. Anways, back home after the dinner and then a long sleep, I mean real long sleep. Got up at 11:30 in the afternoon yesterday. Well, it is Yesterday since I started writing this post. Thanks to Facebook for wasting the precious hours in between. :P. Woke up late in the afternoon, walked up to Kunnukuzhy in search of lunch only face failure. So walked further till MLA Veg Canteen for the lunch. Anyways, how to expect lunch at 2:30 in the afternoon. Luckily, we, Binu, Shekhar and me, didn't have to walk again. Had lunch and then a long walk back home under the hot sun. Sundar called up asking if we were at home. He came over in a jiffy, if an hour of waiting could be summerized as jiffy ;). Made plans to watch some movie. We were supposed to go for some Tamil film, changed mind at the last moment to watch Jodi Breakers, instead. Well, bad luck seemed to be in sync with us. Wanted to catch an auto to the theatre but no one was ready. Not sure why, so had to catch a bus. The film was supposed to start at 6:15 as per our calculations. We were already late by 2 mins. However, the timing shown was 6:30 when we reached the Theatre. Anjali was the place, SL theatres for the ignorant. Bought tickets and I had to wait while Sundar and Binu grabbed a quick puff or two. Checked weight and it showed 68.3, I think. Must have been my slippers to that extra 2-3kgs... Got in to watch the movie. Must say, it's a one time watch. Entertaining but it dragged a bit in between after the interval. Anyways, the climax was a quick roll-up leaving, at least me, a bit dissatisfied. Made my way back to Kani with Binu, bought few dosas for dinner in between.
Back at Kani, I had a quick dinner since I was famished by the end of the movie. Re-activated my Facebook profile, God know's for what reason. Had a long look at profile pictures of the beauties in my friends list. Then finished up this boring piece of a post and so ends my entry for now.
This is Jo signing off for now,


A silent admiration

The sudden flash of lightening, that Eureka feeling. I don't know how to put this across. Let's try the to-the-point style. The one girl, I thought, I would never come to admire, the one who will never gain respect in my heart. Ha, the fallacies of the human nature. How time erodes those barriers, something that I now know first hand. I haven't been in touch, frankly I have rarely spoken to her or gazed upon those eyes. Her eyes, they seem so alive with passion to fight, the arrogance of having lived twice and sparkling with the fervour of living the moment. I could never let her know that she's finally won my admiration. Her spirit, her beauty and well, even her stubborness. Reminds me of my dear sis. But this is like the goddess who's to be worshipped, never loved. For you can have foolish hopes that she would return the favour. For such kindness is rare, even more thanx to the fact, that she's already bound to someone else.
Well, what do I call this feeling then ? Something short of worshipping, but higher than just admiration. Something that I can never express in open but something that cannot be contained within. It's the sort of  feeling one gets when you see something as simple as a floating cloud beneath your feet or that first bud of rose on a stem. Something so vunerable, yet so strong. Well, it looks like I am almost on my knees singing paeans of her praise. Hell ya, it is kinda praise, for beauty worth feeling about is worth writing about.
I'm kinda gonna keep those eyes nearby, for the hope that it would drag me out of any misery that I drown into so often. This isn't f*&$%# love. It's this feel of silent admiration of a mystery that revolves around those eyes, that spirited being of a human. All that I can do for now is perhaps a symbolic tipping of the hat before her. This said and written will never be discussed again because it would be sacrilege to this silent admiration. Aah, those eyes.. :D
This is Jo signing off for now,


Towards Nirvana

Kuch naye he khile phool is gulistan mein,
Anjaane hi sahi, par khusbu to aane lagi
Khwaab kuch naye sajjne lage iss dil mein,
Kisi ki muskurahat yunhi yaad aane lagi...

Well, well. I feel swamped by that old feeling again. Something that I was unsure could happen again. Maybe it's just a flash in the pan, or who knows something for the better. Anyhow, one thing's for sure, I wanna know more about Miss Intriguing smile. There's always room for a bit of risk. Risk to gain something finally worth feeling the pain for. As one of the idiots in my office once messaged : "It's completely impossible to find someone who won't ever hurt you.. So go for someone who will make the pain worthwhile..", I hope MIS is the one. ;)
BTW, all this goody goody feeling is happening because I just finished seeing a funny, moving, romantic film "Crazy Stupid Love". Films make me feel better, hands on for the romantic ones. However, they do the opposite for some others that I know. To cut the story short, this post was about this new warmth filling my heart and so I would like to end it on this note.

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."

This is Jo signing off for now,


A Novel Nirvana

Lamhon ke ye nazakat to dekho,
Is dard-e-dil mein phir bahaar sa aaya,
Phool aise khile he unke ke liye,
Ki ab hamaare nazaron ko koi aur na bhaaya.

For those who won't be able to decipher the above lines, here's a synopsis of the same. Look at the nuances of time that flows by, turning pain into garden, where each flower buds out for her, for there is none so worthy who could turn my gaze away from her.

Well, this is the 3rd draft for this post and yet I am unable to find words to describe my present feelings. I feel like a total idiot who knows what is it that his heart wants to say but his mind wanders about. Thinking of her face, the way she smiles and those glasses on her nose. Aaah, that's a sight to watch. What I wouldn't give to just stare at that beauty, to let her know what I feel for her. The care that seems to grow with each passing day and the anxiety of her withdrawing if that came to light. Never have I been so confused lately with what I feel and what I think. She's managed to pull out most of the stops that I had planted between her and my heart. I fear only one thing now, that I may be unable to express how much she means to me. As always, this fear of failure is chilling my spine. I wish to stop writing this for this may never see the light of the day, unless I moderate the content.

Just this one thing, she's made me look at the brighter side of life again. I wish that this angel of mine remains with me. Nothing short of a prayer, yet just a simple wish from someone who's besotted with love. As always, these words from Van Helsing, the movie, come to my rescue :
"I have no heart! I feel no love... nor fear... nor joy... nor sorrow! I am... hollow..."
It's time that I leave these words behind and begin a journey, a journey who's destination is an Angel. An "aishwaryam-olla" kutti, who is yet to know the value of her in my eyes.

This is Jo signing off,
Adios for now


Beginning of a return ?

Woh kehte hai na ki ek halki si hawa bhi kabhi phoolon ke barsaat laati hai.
Kaash yeh bhi unh phoolon jaisa hota, naazukh aur pyaari

Still confused as to how to write down my "dil ki bhadass". Let's see kuch na kuch aa hi jaayega. Sometimes it takes the slightest of push to turn something tipsy-turvy. Well, subaah bas ek board dekh li aur gaya mera mood. Ek saffed board jis par uski company ka naam tha. Shayad woh uski company ka cab bhi nahi hoga, lekin kya kare kambhakt dil ko bas ek jhalak hi kaafi hoti hai. Aur ho gayi saari din ki tai tai phus. Na jaane kyun aaj bhi woh chehra aankhon ke saamne yunh hi aa jaata hai. Woh kehte hai na, dil ki lagi sabse zor ki lagti hai. Aaj to rone ka bhi mann kar raha hai aur hasne ka bhi. Yaadon ne to rula diya lekin brain to mazaak udda raha hai ki woh kaise abhi bhi tujhe aise touch kar sakti hai.
Is kashmokash mein to aaj saara din nikal gaya. Na thik se kaam kar paaya aur na thik se hass. Waise rona dohna bandh aur back to recollecting aaj ka din.
So another Monday comes by. Btw, I went to Mom's place this weekend after, I think around, 4~5 months. Ammachi seemed so happy to see her eldest grandson again and Maamu ki Jaan seemed his usual self. Waise, it was fun to travel in the bus from Trivandrum to Adoor. Seemed like the old days were back. Those 3 hours on Sat afternoon, magical moments that leave me wanting for more. Wind in my hair and the shaking of the KSRTC bus while keeping my nose inside some novel. Oh, this time it was JK's book for company. "Immortals of Meluha" by Amish Tripathi. Something based on Shiva, the trilogy is named as "Shiva trilogy". Turning one of the most eccentric Hindu Gods into a man of flesh and blood. Whose deeds led him to transform from an ordinary human to one of the Triune Gods. I may hurt some sentiments here with all this words, but then who cares what you think. This is my place of "F&**@*@&^" expression. Anyways, reached Adoor in like under 2.5 hours and then a bus to Mom's place, Chandanapally. A small walk home, under the moonlight... Sigh. Reached home, Ammachi was alone in the kitchen. Maamu was still at the library with his bunch of friends. Had a small chat with ammachi, then a quick dinner and after that back to Meluha. Sorry, the dinner wasn't quick enough since Bincy "aunty" and Sundar ji had to call up in between. Bincy "aunty" doesn't need to have anything in particular to call me up but Sundar was planning for another movie outing. First show of the "Second Show". Made plans to reach TVM before 6 so as to catch the movie and then back to Meluha(again).
Woke up late on Sunday, as usual, and no going to Church. Ammachi woke me up at 6 in the morning and yet I somehow excused my self from attending the Mass, half-awake. Seems like I argue better hald-awake. ;) Should try it out at office someday. Drooping head in the meeting and slurry speech. Would be one for the record books, or better videos. So back to Sunday, woke up at ~10:30 and straight to kitchen for the tea. Armed with tea and laptop, I walked into the Hall wanting to switch on the TV instead. Thought against it and started watching "It's kinda funny story" on laptop. Got bored and closed lap before switching on to Meluha. Finished up 75% by the time I had to leave for Trivandrum. A quick bath and then the rush to bus stop as usual. Speaking of the bus stop, standing there made me go on a flashback. I used spend my times in the bus-stop fighting with Spoon over SMSes while waiting for the bus to arrive. Thought of SMSing her but then hesitation. Woh kehte hai na, ki kaafi din ho gaye msg behjkar. Agar abhi bheja to kaisi lagegi, wagera wagera. So didn't msg her and spent the time doing nothing. Bus came after 20 mins of wait and then a quick drive to Adoor. Caught the first KSRTC bus to Trivandrum. It was mostly empty and so I sat on the seat opposite to the door. Got back to Meluha after paying for the ticket. Finished it up before reaching Kilimanoor, I think, and then the usual job :  mouth-watching.  In between Sundar called a few times to know where I had reached. Somehow reached the city. Called up Shekhar to transport a packet to Kani as I had to reach Ajanta for the show. After passing the Achar packet to Shekhu at PMG, I called up Sundar who said that there  was only 1 last balcony ticket which he took. Since he wasn't sure if I would reach on time, he didn't take the risk of getting two tickets. So I got down at next stop, near the Govt. Students' Hostel. Walked past the State Central Library and then a circuitous road back home. Dinner, a few chats and then a tight sleep.
Monday morning. Got up pretty early, by my standards, at ~6:45am. Next the daily activities and Run for the cab. Speaking of which, I think the cab seems to be growing smaller with every passing day. As the number of daily "regular" travelers are increasing, the size of cab seems to be decreasing. Anyhow, I managed a seat, thought of bringing out "The Fountainhead" for a quick read but gave up seeing the number of people already present. It seemed a bit of a choc-a-bloc. Reached office, and oh yes, saw Meher's company bus on the way. :P
The first mail I saw was from Arun chettan asking how we missed an important functionality for the last week's release. What a way to start off the perfect day. Anyways, replied the mail and went for breakfast. Wanted to bring back my appetite and so ordered 2 Aloo paranthas. Ate through them while sipping the rich Banglore coffee. Just thinking of it seems to make my tongue salivate. After that, back to office and a few goofing before lunch. Lunch and then back to office. The gloomy mood still stuck made work seem so boring. Thought of leaving early today and working the extra hours the next day. Anyhow, sat through till 6:15pm after which I couldn't bear the melancholy that had descended on me. Speaking of 6:15, it was the time I used to excuse my self for a water break and to watch her leave for the day.. Sigh. Ab to bas aahein barthe raho. A ride back home on JK's bike and dinner at KSRTC. That pretty much sums up for the weekends and today.

This is Jo signing off,
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