Bitter brew of love

Seldom does something change, as does the broken heart,
From the firm and carefree, to lost and careless
A few moments of joy last like a lifetime of pain,
Piercing thru the thin veil of forgetfulness
O fuck thy holier than thou attitude,
For it hurts like nothing else

Lost in the midst of a never-ending grief
The mind wanders along the familiar paths
Grasping for straws that have faded,
For a moment that perished long ago
Even the clock seems tired to tick
When the thoughts of her dance into the mind.

Kaboom, as it goes down without a fight
The pseudo wall of defiance, the hard nut feel
A stream of thoughts erupt in between
Turning the calm into a brewing storm
And out of the storm, comes light on foot
The trampling of words that feel so odd.

Pre-exam jitters !

*Update: This is a late posting of an earlier-written draft ;)*

Lamhe mein kaisi ye kasish hai,
Bin pyaas ye kaisi taras hai,
Pehle na thi yu bejaan se pal,
Ki har saas mein na mile jo chain,
Kya ye wo bin aapka hai kal,
Lamho mein thi jo na koi hulchul..

Boom, There goes another f*$%$&#@ set of lines. Well, instead of concentrating on my studies, look at what my mind wants to keep saying. Another sneak-peak of the Jo's depression mania. Naah, this is just the before-exam jitters. The will of the exam-bearer goes weak while the degree looms right upon us, just to plagiarize the lines from LOTR. The season begins in 2 days and I'm so thoroughly unprepared. With each passing season, my intent weakens and the effort decreases. It's like a vicious circle, the more I stay away from books, the harder it becomes to come back to them. Every time a page opens, my mind races to find a source of fresh air. Figuratively, this explains it so well. Wow, now this is a nice piece of line. Gonna put it up a status someday, hopefully before I forget the words.
Speaking about exams again, E-security is the first paper before me. Hopefully, I should be able to start at it today itself. Anyways, time for me to sign off and "pull up my socks"...

This is Jo signing off,
Adios.

The day called Yesterday

Kabhi ye tanhayi poooche mujhse,
Kyun chodd gayi yun tumhe,
Aadhi raah par bin sahaare ke,
Kisi aur ke saath nibhane ko waade.

Just some of the random sections of words that crop of in my mind. I am hoping that at least this draft of mine sees light. There is so much to blog about, the past few months, the joy of achievement, the pain of loss, the anxiety of future. But for now, let's keep this straight at this day, or rather week. Well, Mondays aren't my forte. I, simply, am too lazy to do good on that day. Rather, I am unable to recollect something interesting that happened. ;)
Regarding Tuesday, had another "go-with-the-flow" day. But then today was thankfully different. Today's points to be noted include a bug that I passed onto live, a treat that wasn't as exciting as I hoped and finally, a long-awaited Kudos to a fellow project member. Starting with the good news, one of our Space astronauts finally got a Kudos,albeit a personal one. Ajith, the rockstar of our team, crunched down a logic flow that intially bubbled up as Out-of-Memory issue to one that was optimized to be completed with 12.42 secs. Got to hand it to that guy, he works harder than the rest of us, atleast more than me, and parties even harder. Another form of Angel, except for maybe the color, naah definitely the color. Leaving the comparison aside, he's truly one of the cornerstones of our project.
Onto the next, the Bug. So finally, after wishing that I never release something that I don't test thoroughly into the live, I had to come crashing down on my bums. And boy, didn't that just hurt. Bloody Hell, the 2nd thing that I see in the morning mail is that concerning my bug. How fucked up could the start of a day get ? You see a kudos for a fellow team member and then a bloody slap on your self-esteem. I can't still believe how absent-minded I have become. Like needing someone to test my code before I send it out. As if I need to spoon-fed to produce decent code. I wouldn't say I give optimized, or even good, code but the least I could do was provide a bug free code, especially since I know the pain of seeing bugs, as my previous avatar as a QA engineer. Speaking of engineer, the season begins on 25th of this month. Applied for the leaves and hoping for the best. Even though clearing B.Tech completely remains a distant dream, I still am hopeful that I finish it up this time. Who the hell am I soaping up ? The reality is that I have double exam days as well consecutive ones. It will be a hard obstacle but I am under-prepared. This is where I feel like shouting at my Ma and Pa. For sending me here instead of letting me pursue my dream as journalist. Luckily, they are unaware of the fact that I am still mad at them, naah at my self for not being strong willed, for letting peer-pressure decide my way. Anyways, the day I finish this bloody fucked up degree, I am definitely gonna enroll for a MassCom degree. keeping my fingers crossed on that. Touchwood.
Back to bullet points. The party. There was party in the afternoon, as a part of some birthdays, a marriage, a car purchase and last, but not the least, the joy of having a newborn. Arun chettan's been blessed with a baby. Happened a month or two ago, not sure of the date, but my prayers with the young family that they see or feel no harm in these tender days. Anyways, regarding my expectations for the buffet, yes buffet at the Park, bloody double-crossing, miserly piece of shit-hole, the Park Rajdhani. I was hoping for a far better quality and variety in the food being served. How were we to know that they had taken off several chicken dishes from the menu. On top of that, I wasn't ready for a plunge in to the deprecated menu since my last tryst with Park. I had to spend a few days out of office, thanks to a bloody food poisoning, after that day. However, today seemed okay as far my stomach's response. I had to control myself, rather the menu did it for me, from over-consuming anything. Bon Appetite, I would have wished for myself and everyone, but naah, it wasn't supposed to be a good day for me.
Now finally, those lines that I scribbled at the top. I, I, I, I..... Bloody fucking I. Could I just stop being so self-centric ? naah.. This is the way that my mind and heart functions and to change this would be to kill myself. Anyways, I still miss her at times. So far from me, and yet this bloody idiotic piece of shit yearns for her. How is it that these thoughts come crashing back at me when I least need them ? Why isn't it easy as in the movies ? "Keep these beautiful moments with you. Learn from them and live with them." as in Vaarnam Aayiram. Bloody hell, those memories gnaw at my soul, how inept I was to loose a gem like her ? No matter how much I think of her as the "......." one, shit I can't find a bloody word to describe her act, it still boils down to the fact that I was unable to show what I felt. As if this is something new. Anyways, let's stop the cribbing for now. Until the next post on my Royume de Reaves.
This is Jo signing off,
Adios..

On the forks, again !

This is what happens when you cross a blogger on sick leave and a mobile to type notes into. :P

Another note in my mobile. Hopefully, this will see the daylight sometime. Being sick is real boring. You have to stay away from office AC, no drinking cold liquids, can't get wet in the rain and on and on.. However, all this free time gives you something to think about. The funny thing is what you tend to think during these moments are supposed to be never brought up again. For the God-knows-how-many time in my life, i feel sad about losing someone very close. Faces haunt, i learnt that the hard way. Plus if you get to hear "romantic" oldies, it's bound to affect. The low floor buses, incidentally, play melodies rather than tuning into an FM station. Talking about low-floors, they have started to creak, arrive late and seem wanting to some brushing. Leaving their sad state aside, the low-floors remain a cost effective way to reach Technopark. Hopefully, the KSRTC will do something before its too late.
Ah, meandering again. Back to being senti over someone, blah blah blah.. I should bloody stop crying over spilled milk, its high time.. She's gone and you are still here. Look for the next chick to have a crush on. Move on, bro..
Speaking of chicks, trivandrum pulls out a rabbit each time i loose hope and start yearning for kochi or thrissur. Maybe it's the TCS training schedule or is it UST. Ah, never mind. The bottom line is my eyes get beauties to watch.
Seems like i may have to stop for now. It's almost 10 and i got to get up early for the driving lessons. Ah, forgot to mention. My driving classes have resumed and hopefully, this time i'll get thru to the last stage, a driver's license.
It's Adios for now,
this is Jo signing

Meandering thoughts

A late entry again. Something that I penned, err.. typed while on my way back from office.

The rain gods seem to wake up in the evening these days. Travelling in a cab with all windows closed seems so suffocating but there seems to be no other option for the time being. Back at work, my mind seems to be stuck at some place, the pace of work so slow. My first task seems tough, there seems to be a lot of loopholes. Hoping that it doesn't turn into a nightmare. Btw, the leaves for the exams have been accepted and now all that remains is to study. God help me with that. Speaking of God, it looks i'm drifting away from the Christian way of life. Life seems to a meandering stream with no specific goals. Seems like the rain has stopped, Yippee ! Speaking of rain, missing those hot coffee on balcony times at Kani.*dreamy eyes * Back to reality, the bus is stuck, as usual, in a block. More time to write, err.. type. Flow gaya :-x..
Got lost in the songs being played in the cab. Most of them are of the romantic oldies, shit.. Starting to feel sleepy, effects of the songs :-x.. Anyways, looks like it's gonna be long ride to home, stuck at Sreekariyam for some time now. I'm off to surrender to the songs, err.. sleep.#