Pre-exam jitters !

*Update: This is a late posting of an earlier-written draft ;)*

Lamhe mein kaisi ye kasish hai,
Bin pyaas ye kaisi taras hai,
Pehle na thi yu bejaan se pal,
Ki har saas mein na mile jo chain,
Kya ye wo bin aapka hai kal,
Lamho mein thi jo na koi hulchul..

Boom, There goes another f*$%$&#@ set of lines. Well, instead of concentrating on my studies, look at what my mind wants to keep saying. Another sneak-peak of the Jo's depression mania. Naah, this is just the before-exam jitters. The will of the exam-bearer goes weak while the degree looms right upon us, just to plagiarize the lines from LOTR. The season begins in 2 days and I'm so thoroughly unprepared. With each passing season, my intent weakens and the effort decreases. It's like a vicious circle, the more I stay away from books, the harder it becomes to come back to them. Every time a page opens, my mind races to find a source of fresh air. Figuratively, this explains it so well. Wow, now this is a nice piece of line. Gonna put it up a status someday, hopefully before I forget the words.
Speaking about exams again, E-security is the first paper before me. Hopefully, I should be able to start at it today itself. Anyways, time for me to sign off and "pull up my socks"...

This is Jo signing off,
Adios.

The day called Yesterday

Kabhi ye tanhayi poooche mujhse,
Kyun chodd gayi yun tumhe,
Aadhi raah par bin sahaare ke,
Kisi aur ke saath nibhane ko waade.

Just some of the random sections of words that crop of in my mind. I am hoping that at least this draft of mine sees light. There is so much to blog about, the past few months, the joy of achievement, the pain of loss, the anxiety of future. But for now, let's keep this straight at this day, or rather week. Well, Mondays aren't my forte. I, simply, am too lazy to do good on that day. Rather, I am unable to recollect something interesting that happened. ;)
Regarding Tuesday, had another "go-with-the-flow" day. But then today was thankfully different. Today's points to be noted include a bug that I passed onto live, a treat that wasn't as exciting as I hoped and finally, a long-awaited Kudos to a fellow project member. Starting with the good news, one of our Space astronauts finally got a Kudos,albeit a personal one. Ajith, the rockstar of our team, crunched down a logic flow that intially bubbled up as Out-of-Memory issue to one that was optimized to be completed with 12.42 secs. Got to hand it to that guy, he works harder than the rest of us, atleast more than me, and parties even harder. Another form of Angel, except for maybe the color, naah definitely the color. Leaving the comparison aside, he's truly one of the cornerstones of our project.
Onto the next, the Bug. So finally, after wishing that I never release something that I don't test thoroughly into the live, I had to come crashing down on my bums. And boy, didn't that just hurt. Bloody Hell, the 2nd thing that I see in the morning mail is that concerning my bug. How fucked up could the start of a day get ? You see a kudos for a fellow team member and then a bloody slap on your self-esteem. I can't still believe how absent-minded I have become. Like needing someone to test my code before I send it out. As if I need to spoon-fed to produce decent code. I wouldn't say I give optimized, or even good, code but the least I could do was provide a bug free code, especially since I know the pain of seeing bugs, as my previous avatar as a QA engineer. Speaking of engineer, the season begins on 25th of this month. Applied for the leaves and hoping for the best. Even though clearing B.Tech completely remains a distant dream, I still am hopeful that I finish it up this time. Who the hell am I soaping up ? The reality is that I have double exam days as well consecutive ones. It will be a hard obstacle but I am under-prepared. This is where I feel like shouting at my Ma and Pa. For sending me here instead of letting me pursue my dream as journalist. Luckily, they are unaware of the fact that I am still mad at them, naah at my self for not being strong willed, for letting peer-pressure decide my way. Anyways, the day I finish this bloody fucked up degree, I am definitely gonna enroll for a MassCom degree. keeping my fingers crossed on that. Touchwood.
Back to bullet points. The party. There was party in the afternoon, as a part of some birthdays, a marriage, a car purchase and last, but not the least, the joy of having a newborn. Arun chettan's been blessed with a baby. Happened a month or two ago, not sure of the date, but my prayers with the young family that they see or feel no harm in these tender days. Anyways, regarding my expectations for the buffet, yes buffet at the Park, bloody double-crossing, miserly piece of shit-hole, the Park Rajdhani. I was hoping for a far better quality and variety in the food being served. How were we to know that they had taken off several chicken dishes from the menu. On top of that, I wasn't ready for a plunge in to the deprecated menu since my last tryst with Park. I had to spend a few days out of office, thanks to a bloody food poisoning, after that day. However, today seemed okay as far my stomach's response. I had to control myself, rather the menu did it for me, from over-consuming anything. Bon Appetite, I would have wished for myself and everyone, but naah, it wasn't supposed to be a good day for me.
Now finally, those lines that I scribbled at the top. I, I, I, I..... Bloody fucking I. Could I just stop being so self-centric ? naah.. This is the way that my mind and heart functions and to change this would be to kill myself. Anyways, I still miss her at times. So far from me, and yet this bloody idiotic piece of shit yearns for her. How is it that these thoughts come crashing back at me when I least need them ? Why isn't it easy as in the movies ? "Keep these beautiful moments with you. Learn from them and live with them." as in Vaarnam Aayiram. Bloody hell, those memories gnaw at my soul, how inept I was to loose a gem like her ? No matter how much I think of her as the "......." one, shit I can't find a bloody word to describe her act, it still boils down to the fact that I was unable to show what I felt. As if this is something new. Anyways, let's stop the cribbing for now. Until the next post on my Royume de Reaves.
This is Jo signing off,
Adios..

On the forks, again !

This is what happens when you cross a blogger on sick leave and a mobile to type notes into. :P

Another note in my mobile. Hopefully, this will see the daylight sometime. Being sick is real boring. You have to stay away from office AC, no drinking cold liquids, can't get wet in the rain and on and on.. However, all this free time gives you something to think about. The funny thing is what you tend to think during these moments are supposed to be never brought up again. For the God-knows-how-many time in my life, i feel sad about losing someone very close. Faces haunt, i learnt that the hard way. Plus if you get to hear "romantic" oldies, it's bound to affect. The low floor buses, incidentally, play melodies rather than tuning into an FM station. Talking about low-floors, they have started to creak, arrive late and seem wanting to some brushing. Leaving their sad state aside, the low-floors remain a cost effective way to reach Technopark. Hopefully, the KSRTC will do something before its too late.
Ah, meandering again. Back to being senti over someone, blah blah blah.. I should bloody stop crying over spilled milk, its high time.. She's gone and you are still here. Look for the next chick to have a crush on. Move on, bro..
Speaking of chicks, trivandrum pulls out a rabbit each time i loose hope and start yearning for kochi or thrissur. Maybe it's the TCS training schedule or is it UST. Ah, never mind. The bottom line is my eyes get beauties to watch.
Seems like i may have to stop for now. It's almost 10 and i got to get up early for the driving lessons. Ah, forgot to mention. My driving classes have resumed and hopefully, this time i'll get thru to the last stage, a driver's license.
It's Adios for now,
this is Jo signing

Meandering thoughts

A late entry again. Something that I penned, err.. typed while on my way back from office.

The rain gods seem to wake up in the evening these days. Travelling in a cab with all windows closed seems so suffocating but there seems to be no other option for the time being. Back at work, my mind seems to be stuck at some place, the pace of work so slow. My first task seems tough, there seems to be a lot of loopholes. Hoping that it doesn't turn into a nightmare. Btw, the leaves for the exams have been accepted and now all that remains is to study. God help me with that. Speaking of God, it looks i'm drifting away from the Christian way of life. Life seems to a meandering stream with no specific goals. Seems like the rain has stopped, Yippee ! Speaking of rain, missing those hot coffee on balcony times at Kani.*dreamy eyes * Back to reality, the bus is stuck, as usual, in a block. More time to write, err.. type. Flow gaya :-x..
Got lost in the songs being played in the cab. Most of them are of the romantic oldies, shit.. Starting to feel sleepy, effects of the songs :-x.. Anyways, looks like it's gonna be long ride to home, stuck at Sreekariyam for some time now. I'm off to surrender to the songs, err.. sleep.#

Symphonies on Nokia 2600-c

This post is a part of an experimentation on my mobile phone. I wrote this up as notes on my mobile.


Note - 1

Some people think guys are tough and have a strong heart. Let me tell you a story, short and sweet. Some guys are like coconuts, hard on the outside but soft and sensitive on the inside. Guys like this may be hard to spot but easy to hurt.
One such guy, say Rahul (i love the name that's why), is the central character of this story. Rahul's life as of now is a complete mess, know why ? Bcoz someone cracked thru the hard shell and messed up. Wanna know who was this someone, the one person he trusted his heart with, the one with the power to heal his soul. Thinking of how they came to meet seems like a fairy tale. But this fairy tale did happen and it happened right in between the common lives of you and me. How else could you term a meeting of two people, unknown to each other, that left a seed of attachment with one person and that outgrew into the other one's soul. Meher's starting days at work, away from home and at a new place. She knew some out there, and yet confident enough to make a mark. Rahul, around for a few months and still coming to grips with the new feelings inside him. Out of so many people present there, Meher asks him whether she could reach the 3rd floor thru the lift. A question from a cute one, who chose him for the query, makes him feel good. He goes on to help her reach her floor and to show her the way out. Still reeling from the encounter, Rahul manages to hide his grin. But then, a chain of events had been set into motion unknown to both of them. Over the next few months, Rahul tried to befriend her but given his introvert nature that would have been next to impossible. So he did what he did best. Stare at the angel, looking for a hint that she would be interested to be friends with him. Roughly thru the next few months, the peek-a-boo game carried on. Unknown to Rahul, Meher too started to have feelings for him. The game progressed at a slow pace until both of them could hold back no longer. Finally, after months of hesitation Rahul went over to speak to his angel. Well looking thru the other side, Meher was too wanting to speak. An opportunity presented itself in the most unbelievable of ways. Rahul was having lunch at his office pantry and Meher came around for some reason. She came again sensing that he wanted to talk to her. After all, the smiles at each other had worked into their hearts. She waited at the cooler, filling and emptying her bottle. He gobbled up his food to meet his angel. After a quick clean-up, he went by the cooler. Still hesitant to speak, he crossed over. Then with a devil-may-care thought, he turned back and walked up to her. A brief exchange of words was all that happened. Names were exchanged with a certain hope to know more. The next day, Rahul had an official party. On his way out of office, Meher walks straight into him. A brief exchange of words and phone no.s before Meher rushes off to catch her cab while Rahul moves towards the to-be sparkling evening. Riding behind on a team-mate's bike..#


Note - 2

A flurry of msgs during the ride lets them know more about each other while time flashes by. During the party, msgs are still being passed and the two come closer and closer. The torrents of emotion held back suddenly find an outlet. In his joy, Rahul takes a peg or two. Meher is unable to stand it and msgs transform into calls. Rahul talks to her in his not so sober state, describing his pent up feelings. With a promise to call later, he hangs up on her. After a few more hours of enjoyment, Rahul reaches home at 11. As promised, the new lovebird calls her up. The next few hour fly as the two, so engrossed in their tweetings, finish up their balances with lot more to say. The next weeks are spent over chats and calls with the two getting closer and closer. But alas, good things are never meant to last for ever. Meher realises that this is a fool's errand, never to be fulfilled wish. She starts to fear the society's norm and her parents. Unknown to Rahul, she starts to avoid him, ignoring him so that he notes away from her. Little by little, Rahul notices the change in her behaviour while thinking that it would become ok. How could have he known that Meher had already accepted that they could never be one. In the months to come, he moves thru life, unsure of how to take this new turn of events. Finally, Meher breaks thru her shell and tells him to forget her forever. Easier said than done for both of them, Rahul pleads her to change her stand. But the conservative nature of her parents makes her cold. Breaking her own heart against the altar of social norms, she goes away from his life. A few months pass and things seem to be normalising for Rahul. It seemed though that love wasn't done with him. Like a lighting flash, a call from Meher blows away his feeble pack-of-cards heart. She called to say that her marriage had been fixed. What could he say back other than stoically wishing her the best. In the next few months, they start to contact each other and Meher's words make Rahul believe that the situation could be still managed. Little was he aware that, Meher would skittle away his every hope. Finally unable to bear all this, Rahul breaks and he tells her to forget him. But Meher still confused in her heart between the love showered by her would-be's family and the yearning for Rahul weeps before him. He stays firm before her but inwardly a storm brews. How long could he hold back his love? He breaks his own shell and starts msging her again. Thinking that if could get over her, he calls her up like a friend. After a few minutes of chat, disturbed in between by her fiancé's calls, they seem to have a pseudo-break up. In his affection for Meher, Rahul decides to make her hate him. He msgs her saying that all those moments were a farce. Finally after many msgs and hurting her like for-ever, Meher begins to hate Rahul, even the mention of his name gives her tempers. Finally with the knowledge that he's lost Meher for ever, Rahul moves on....#


Note -3

Meher settles down with her husband in B'lore away from Rahul's shadow and reach. Will fate play again with their lives ? It's upto time to decide.#